So it seems like I've been hanging out with Joe practically every day this week. I'm not asking, he's offering and for once that's nice. I guess that all the guys I've dated really sucked, but I'm not dating Joe so this doesn't really count. Let me rephrase: like/like. So right at this current moment I'm in unfamiliar territory, and I'm a bit nervous but confident (kind of).
I figured out that I better start getting nicer like I once was. I think I've been hanging out with the bad guys too long, and they have spoiled me like I'm a piece of fruit. I used to be so helpful, generous, nice, and all the of the above. What happened? I became an asshole because the assholes told me to. I know, I'm a fool. Or maybe I'm a fool? Yeah, that's it. Another thing that is kind of awkward to me is that Joe doesn't even lift up his shirt because he says that's for when he's married. That's really weird to me, not a bad weird but a different weird. I'm not a modest person, at all. Most of you might be nodding your head in agreement, but now that I like I guy that has morals it's just unfamiliar to me. I mean, sure I have morals. Shut up! I do! But not the same as him. I'm the kind of girl that would be all for posing for playboy, but would rather be taking the pictures of them. But you get the point, I hope.
I miss Katie a lot right now. I haven't seen her in a few days, and all during New Years I kept thinking about her. It sucks, because when I was sitting at the Mormon Dance because it as way too hot, all I could think about is how Katie would like the glow in the dark bracelet I was holding. I want my pudding pop! Erin thought I was just trying to be a drama queen, but honestly I did feel a little out of place. I was nothing like any of the girls. They all joked around about stupid stuff like kooties, and what boys do when they are nervous. I on the other hand joke around about boners, and different sex positions that you could do in the back of a car (like Katie's Vagina). I have no virtue, how sad. I'm not depressed about it, but these girls are really making me feel like a slut/skank/hooch/loose mama. Oh well, the point is I wanna see Katie before I go insane.
My dad has noticed that he has another lump in his neck, and I can already tell you that I have a bad feeling about it. I really don't want to see my dad in anymore pain. I can say that my dad has had enough, but maybe God doesn't think so. Stupid man/woman/whatever! I just hope that we're wrong and it's just something that's not a big deal at all.
Well, I guess you could say that I keep thinking the most negative things are going to happen to me. That either Joe is gonna stop liking me because I'm such a bitch. Or the fact that my dad might never get over this illness that we all call cancer. Or maybe even that I will never change, and that I'll always be a sloppy second for ever guy, even if they don't sleep with me. Sloppy, sloppy, sloppy: Depressing.